It Will Come Easier

by Emma Kupa

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1.
Are you in love with someone, or are you in love with the attention? Does she do this to everyone? Are you the rule or the exception? Does it feel new? Does it feel real and true? Is it worth losing everything to? Does she feel the same way, and if she did would she say? What’s worse, bad news you can’t change or a choice you don’t want to make? Does her smile light up your heart, or do you just want to get under her shirt? If it’s both, where do we start. I’d rather know than us get torn apart.
2.
I keep an eye out everywhere I go in case I see you walking down the road, and we recognise each other’s face and we lock eyes, if only for a moment. I could do with your time and I could do with your advice. I keep an eye out every single day in case I see you while you’re on your way, and we stop right there in the street and we talk, if only for a moment. I keep an eye out when I’m in my car. I keep an eye out even in the dark. I keep an eye out on my way home. I keep an eye out even on the phone.
3.
03:03
Hey love, when our eyes are all straying, do we stay, love, do we keep it together? Well hold on, just before you get your coat. Won’t you think of all the work that we put in. And remember nobody’s a saint, and we’ve all got our problems. Hey love, if you think it’s got boring, just say, love, and we’ll do something different. And remember the drugs in the desk drawer that we bought last summer. Hey love, it’s all in the mornings, when we wake up to each other’s warmth. And remember that we’re not alone but that we have someone.
4.
02:54
Running round New Orleans in the rain with a soup-ed up catholic boy who is ready for anything. It’s not like that though, much more tame, we liked the same girl anyway. Who am I to follow when I don’t know the way to go. Swigging whiskey from the bottle with a girl so pretty she could be a model in New York city on the underground. Felt like a movie, not like dad when he’s down. Here we are at 4am in an uptown diner. Been drinking spirits behind the bar with some resting actors. Smoked a spliff with no tobacco, I felt so ill I couldn’t move my head at all.
5.
I still live in this house. I can’t afford the rent. I don’t stay in touch with any of my friends. I can’t make ends meet though I work most of the time. At extended family events, I just say I’m fine. There’s no easy way out of this. There’s no easy way out. Hey, what’s that you said about next year? I don’t think it’ll work out. I look after myself but I can’t stay in shape. Even when I try, it’s too much to take. Sometimes I buy new clothes, but I never look my age. That kind of confidence just can’t be faked. They say adjust your expectations. Take note of all that you’ve achieved. I can’t help feeling like a failure and I still believe.
6.
Sometimes, it hits you slowly, like it was only a line in some kind of anecdote or panicked joke from ages ago. In fact, it’s earth moving and soothing at the same time. As soon as you are waking, it’s making its way into your life, yeah. Someone who you can talk with and live with always. Have fun, but also trust with, not give up when it gets tough. May not be what you dreamed of in your teens in that white dress, but, love, I’m what you need lots of. We fit like feet and glove when our toes are long enough. Somewhere that we can go to and know we can call home. An armchair and some tofu at the back of the fridge, neglected, but somehow, it keeps us hopeful, even elopeful, somedays. Not now, but in the future, we’ll stand there like we planned it all.
7.
Gotta stop looking around. I’m gonna close my eyes now. You can’t keep talking like that. You can’t keep carrying it round. What am I supposed to do? What can I even do? Absolutely nothing, nothing at all. Gotta stop looking at you. Gotta stop all this eye contact. What am I trying to prove? What the hell is that. It’s not like anything’s changed so why am I trying.
8.
04:18
After that day, we moved on. We never went back, the palace moved to Sydenham. We still met up, we still had fun. The palace drew the people, ‘till it was burnt down. There’s still sphynxes on stone plinths and they look out for us. And the steps we would have walked up mark the space around us. There were other years, other exhibitions. We travelled the world, we always ended up at the head of Joe Paxton. They built dinosaurs in the park. At least they thought they had, they were wrong. Exciting and magical, made of cement, the former just like you were the day we met.
9.
02:35
If this email is another no, I will tell myself where my to go. And if you tell me you don’t have the time, well that’s just fine. If I can see it, it will come easier. If I can believe it, it will come easier. I don’t know how much more I can take, holding on for one small break. And you know if it never comes, can I be proud of what I’ve done. What brutal truths would you have me face? And can I meet them with grace? How can I learn to make peace with my own mediocrity?
10.
Crying behind the marquee, crying behind the spotlight, crumpled up in dress and heals. Hungover on champagne, can’t deal with my own pain, doubled up in crippling fear. Oh, the decisions that got me here. Crying at the back of the bus replacement service, the breeze from the window blows my hair over my face. Confronted with the past, and it’s not gonna get over itself, or the decisions I had to make. Oh, the decisions I had to take. Keeping my distance, cause I’m not gonna win this, however it gets played. Drinking and smoking like nobody’s business only to feel again. Oh, the decisions that cause such pain.

about

Following successes fronting Mammoth Penguins and the sorely missed Standard Fare, Emma Kupa releases her first full length solo album It Will Come Easier on 18 September:
“The hope in the title is important to me – it is something I try to hold onto when things feel difficult”.

It Will Come Easier delves through the trials and tribulations of attempting to navigate the crossroads of your early thirties. Head on and raw, Kupa leads us through her tender reflections on relationship regrets, the torment and pressure to succeed, and the dichotomy of now finding herself inclined to choose logic over impulse - “does her smile light up your heart, or do you just want to get under her shirt?” she asks on Does It Feel New.

Her most personal collection of songs to date, they pick up from the intimate family portraits of Kupa’s debut solo EP, Home Cinema:

“The album explores aspects of love, escapism and fidelity, but there’s also a thread about accepting feelings of hopelessness when you don’t quite meet the many pressures of life’s expectations”.

In spite of the harsh directness of its subject matter, It Will Come Easier has an audible freshness and a spring in its step. The optimistic jaunt of Nothing At All defies the futility in being unable to influence a particularly toxic situation. I Keep An Eye out is a follow up to Home Cinema's Half Sister, written for the eponymous sibling that doesn’t know of Kupa.

Written and recorded over a period of time, Kupa felt she needed to give these 10 tracks some emotional space before making them public. Joined by bandmates from both Mammoth Penguins and Suggested Friends (Mark Boxall and Faith Taylor, respectively), alongside Laura Ankles, Joe Bear, Rory McVicar and Carmela Pietrangelo, the instrumentation is more diverse than in previous Kupa bands. From the sparse, evocative strings of Hey Love and the simple piano backing of unexpected wedding drama in Crying Behind The Marquee, through to the grinding synths of CP Reprise, textural flourishes abound, belying Kupa’s background fronting noisy three-piece indie-pop outfits.

With nods to Dusty Springfield, The Unthanks and The Postal Service, It Will Come Easier is a mesmerising journey through early adulthood, poignant and expertly detailed.

* * *

Emma Kupa currently fronts Mammoth Penguins, and The Hayman Kupa Band alongside Darren Hayman. She initially made her name with Standard Fare, who called it a day at the peak of their success in 2013. Kupa’s insightful warmth, eye for lyrical detail and powerful, idiosyncratic voice has made her a firm favourite amongst fans and critics alike.

It Will Come Easier is released on 18th September on Fika Recordings (UK/Europe) and Palo Santo (USA).
The album is preceded by a trio of digital singles: Nothing At All (June 5th), Hey Love (July 10th) and Nawlins (August 14th).

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released September 18, 2020

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